Dikdiks Don't Play Tea Party
by Fanficworm
Summary: Set in the future. While everyone else is preoccupied, "Uncle Dik Dik" is left to babysit the other Chojins' kids. The boys are fine, but the girls are getting bored... (COMPLETE)
1. Pokerless Poker Night

**Disclaimer**:  I'm fourteen and I can't afford a laptop to write in peace. What makes you think I would own _Ultimate Muscle_?

**Author's Note**:  This one came out of the blue, that's for sure. Hopefully I didn't create any Mary Sues or Gary Stus. The canon characters may act a little out of character, but that's just probably what about fifteen more years of life (some of which with children) can do to you. Eh, we'll see how it goes. 

**Dikdiks Don't Play Tea Party**

By Fanficworm Chapter 1:  Poker-less Poker Night 

While the women were away, the men played poker over at Checkmate's house. Or at least… they had _planned_ on playing poker, anyhow. Kid Muscle, Wally and Terry had gone out to fetch the beer and snacks—Check had run out—a job that would take "ten minutes tops, fellas, so don't y'all fret none."

Dik Dik frowned, staring down at the wooden table and shuffling the faded cards for the umpteenth time. They had gone out over an hour ago, probably getting mobbed by fans again or some stuff like that. They wouldn't have minded the girl fans. Come to think of it, he wouldn't have minded, either. Like Wally, he didn't have a wife to stop him getting to know them, and maybe a fan girl would go out with him if he were nice enough…

He cut the deck of cards again, dealing hands to empty table places. Ah, the fangirls, the bringers of comfort to his otherwise ego-deprived soul. Why didn't he go with Kid Muscle and the others, again? Oh, yeah, the kids. 

Kid Muscle didn't want to hire a babysitter for Mantaro Jr. so brought him over to play out of the adults' sights, likewise with Terry and his two, Jesse and Cassidy. Since Wally had the wallet, and Checkmate had his hands full with his own two kids, "Uncle Dik Dik" was stuck with the job of babysitter. He _would_ have gone off and let Check deal with all brood at the same time, but the king chess piece looked like he was slowly but surely losing his sanity thanks to his youngest child's inhibition to sleep. 

Needless to say, leaving five children in Checkmate's care wasn't an option.

Speaking of Checkmate, he had been upstairs trying (and failing, judging by the crying) to send Perceval to sleep since Kid Muscle and the rest left. Percy was cute for a four-month old, but he wouldn't sleep some nights, particularly obvious when Checkmate would show up to training and fall asleep while sparring.

Dik Dik hoped he would never become a father if the accounts of fatherhood were true. Who'd want another Dik Dik Van Dik running around anyway? Even if he _did_ have kids, what would he call them? Antelope? Gazelleman? No thanks. He'd take his freedom any day.

He dealt the last of the cards to the imaginary people and took a peek at the hand of cards in Terry's usual place. Straight flush. He snorted. Typical. Even when he _wasn't_ around Terry was winning at poker.

Dik Dik gathered up the cards, placed them neatly in a pile in the middle of the table, and walked up the stairs, bored. He made his way across the small hallway, passing through a few rooms first, one of them being Perceval's nursery. Though its simple white door was no different to the hall's other simple white doors, one could tell by the wailing inside whose room it was.

"Waaaaaaaahhhh!"

"Perceval, thou hast cried for four days!" 

"WAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Art thou not tired? Even in the least?"

"**WAAAAAAAAHHHH**!"

"Wilt thou do Father a favour and please _pretend_ to sleep for a while?" Checkmate pleaded over the impossibly loud crying, audibly on the verge of breaking down. Dik Dik raised an eyebrow and peered inside, just to see if his friend was beyond help.

He was.

The king chess piece was losing his sanity thanks to his infant son, and the infant son bawled his little lungs out thanks to the king chess piece. Dik Dik backed away from the scene, vowing _never_ to father a child.

"Uncle Dik Dik?" a small voice with a Texan drawl asked, accompanied by a tug on his jacket.

Dik Dik turned around and bent down to meet the blonde girl in the eye, trying his best to muster a cheerful look. "Cassidy, don't scare your uncle like that."

Cassidy frowned, the K birthmark on her forehead wrinkling slightly. "You didn't _look_ a-feared to me."

"But you _did_ look ever so lonely by yourself, Uncle," another voice piped up, older, this time with a light old English accent. "We didn't want to leave you like that."

Dik Dik sighed, not bothering to see who it was. "Uncle Dik Dik is fine by himself, Vicky."

"Vic_toria_."

"You ain't 'okay' by yourself, Unc," Cassidy smiled, blue eyes twinkling much the same way Terry's would. "Mister Robin Mask is okay by himself, not you. How's about you play with us? We need more company for our party."

"Party?" He sprang up to his full height, desperately thinking up reasons to preserve his dignity. "Uh… What about the boys? _They'd_ want to play with you. And how about your dad, Vicky? He wouldn't like noise."

"Vic_toria_." She pointed to the door leading to Checkmate's training area further up the hall, turquoise eyes shimmering with hurt. "The boys do not want to play with us." She blinked a few times. "They are mean." 

Cassidy rolled her eyes. "Jesse'd rather copy Daddy's wrestlin' moves on 'Taro again than play with us." She eyed the other room with disdain. "And Uncle Checkmate…"

"Please, Perceval! Go to sleep! Please!"

Poor guy. Dik Dik shook his head. "Sorry, girls, I can't. I have to wait for the others to come home and—"

Ring, ring.

The gazelle's ears pricked up at the sound of his cellphone. He removed it from its carrier and pressed the "answer" button. "Hello?"

"Hey, Dik Dik," Kid Muscle answered from the other end. "Listen, we're not gonna make it back as soon as we'd hoped."

Dik Dik snorted. "Obviously." The sound of a gunshot picked up on the phone line, causing him to turn away from the girls. "Are you guys all right?"

"Oh yeah, sure! No problem!" Kid laughed. "Wally and I got the first three, and Terry's got the last guy covered."

From a distance, a voice yelled, "Take back what you bad-mouthed about my wife, ya yellow-bellied, lily-livered—" preceding a long string of profanities (some of which Dik Dik remembered for future use) and followed by the sound of a Spinning Toe Hold.

"Don't worry," Kid Muscle said. "We'll just book 'em, get the food and get back." Sirens blared in the background. "Oh, good! The cops are here! Wonder who called them, though… Anyway, we'll be back in an hour."

Dik Dik rolled his eyes. Right. And pigs flew. "Sure. See you then." He ended the call and placed the phone back in its carrier.

Cassidy tugged at his sleeve again, harder this time. "Can you join us now? It sounded like Daddy and Uncle Kid Muscle and Uncle Wally are comin' home later. You'll hafta wait longer, and you'll be _real_ bored."

Dik Dik shook his head. "Girls, I—"

He stopped in mid-sentence, seeing them both make their patented disappointed faces and dramatic sighs. Victoria pulled back a lock of her blue hair the same way Kiki would when she hinted at a birthday present to Checkmate, and Cassidy crossed her arms, a perfect mirror of Trixie.

They were so _cute_. He had to give in.

"All right, all right," he sighed, defeated. "I'll join you. What type of party is it?"

The girls grinned. 

"You shall be joining us…"

Cassidy smirked. "…for tea."

Had Dik Dik been in front of a mirror, he would have seen his mainly crimson face blanch. Not since the old days had he felt such terror. Tea? As in a tea party? What did he get himself into _now_?

That's it. There was officially _no_ way he was becoming a father.

_Huzzah! My first multi-chapter! The rest of this fic's coming out whether you like the fanfic or not, but reviews and constructive criticism shall be happily accepted. So please press the pretty blue button at the bottom of the screen. You know you want to._


	2. Dressing for Tea

**Dedication**: To the Psycho Violinist of Silentwood for giving me the idea for the chapter title in your review. Hope you like the chapter. I know you probably didn't want him to dress up, but I guess Victoria and Cassidy thought otherwise.   


**Dikdiks Don't Play Tea Party**

_By Fanficworm_

_Chapter 2: Dressing for Tea_

Though Victoria's and Cassidy's hands were not yet large enough to encapsulate his own, it was _very_ clear who led whom. The girls led Dik Dik across the hallway, holding his hand and so forcing him to walk in a most undignified posture. All the while he mentally chanted _It's only for an hour_ until he actually started believing himself. Across the chequered carpet and past the plain white doors they walked until they reached a certain room with a slightly open door. 

_It's only for an hour._

Victoria pushed open the door, revealing a bedroom nothing short of luxurious compared to Checkmate's bare cave. Kiki and the king chess piece had spared no expense to keep their eldest from growing up in the same type of room Checkmate did. Inside the room were cream coloured walls, a small bed, a dresser, a nest (a gift from Tyrannoclaw) and a collection of plush toys seated around a child-sized tea table, among other things. 

Dik Dik took a closer look at the plush toys. His eyes widened in shock and horror at the sight. Oh, good lord. Was that _makeup_ on their faces? 

_It's only for an hour. It's only for an hour. It's only for an hour._

Victoria released his hand and plodded over to the plastic tea set on the table. She picked up one of the plain white teacups. "Tea?" she offered. 

Cassidy also released his hand. She stormed over to Victoria, took away the cup and placed it back on the table, frustrated. "Vicky—" 

"Vic_toria_." 

Cassidy huffed. "Fine, '_Victoria'_." She rolled her eyes. "You ain't s'posed to give Uncle Dik Dik tea yet." 

"Wh—" Realisation dawned on Victoria's face, and she smiled at him, just as Cassidy smiled at him. "Oh, I forgot. Thy extra rules…" Somehow Dik Dik could tell this wasn't one of those regular girl smiles. This was the mischievous and slightly malicious one girls would always get when… 

"You need a makeover, Unc," Cassidy proclaimed, somehow appearing with a makeup set in her hands at that moment. 

Victoria bolted to her drawer, a few seconds later returning with a fistful of ribbons of various shades of blue (they matched the blue hair she inherited from Checkmate, after all). "Yes," she beamed. "You must dress for tea, just like our other guests." She pointed to the pitiful stuffed animals, which seemed to plead to him, "get out while you still can". 

"I—uh…" Dik Dik stammered, eyes darting between the instruments of evil and the stuffed animals that suffered by them. Suddenly his heart went out to the plush toys. They had to watch in horror as two well-meaning girls mauled their soft cotton exteriors. He could defend himself, but those patented disappointed faces could control anyone. Even if those toys were alive, they would have yielded and gotten their exteriors mauled anyway. 

And now it was his turn. 

_It's only for an hour. It's only for an hour. It'sonlyforanhourit'sonlyforanhour._

"Please take a seat, Uncle Dik Dik," Victoria motioned with Checkmate's eloquence and Kiki's grin to the vacant child-sized stool at the tea table. 

Dik Dik meanwhile, took a step back towards the still-open door. It couldn't be too late to back out; he'd just have to make up a good enough excuse. But as he ran through the list of pleas he stored up in his brain, the sad faces made a comeback. 

No. _No_. He was standing his ground this time. There was no way he'd sacrifice his dignity and manhood to appease two little girls, even though they were the daughters of two of his best friends… 

Two friends who wouldn't be happy to find out he wasn't taking care of their children when he was supposed to… One seemed to be slipping into insanity already, the other already heated up over a criminal insulting his wife, and both could beat him to a pulp on their own… 

On second thought, if the girls were quick enough, no one would find out about the makeover. 

He eased himself onto the delicate stool, feeling unsure it could bear his weight. To his surprise, it did, though he might as well have been squatting. Within minutes Cassidy applied so much makeup he was surprised he wasn't hunching over. She then poked around Victoria's dresser looking for more things to make him look pretty while Victoria worked around the gazelle's naturally short hair by just decorating his horns with blue knotted ribbons. 

"There," Victoria smiled, eyeing her creation with pride. "You are ready for tea." 

"Not yet!" Cassidy called from her rummage of Victoria's formerly immaculate dresser. 

"What art thou doing?" Victoria all but screeched, staring in horror as Cassidy scattered her possessions around the floor with the carelessness for a child who couldn't care less about messes. 

"Fetchin'…" she thrust a circular metallic object into the air, "…this!" 

"My crown? But—" 

Plop. 

With one Frisbee toss, Cassidy had flung the crown onto Dik Dik's head. Well, around his horns, anyway. It was a small crown, a scaled-down replica of Checkmate's in fact, and couldn't fit the circumference of his head. 

The girls took one look at him. Victoria gasped. Cassidy giggled. Dik Dik shrank back in fear. He dared to open his lipstick-coated lips to speak. "What?" 

They smiled. "You're beautiful." 

"Beautiful"? Did they just say he looked beautiful? "Cute" he could handle, but "beautiful"? He could just imagine the looks of manly superiority over his friends' faces should they find out about that comment. 

_It'sonlyforanhourit'sonlyforanhourit'sonlyforanhourit'sonlyforanhour…_

He couldn't believe it. Two girls, one six and one five-and-a-half, said that he, Dik Dik Van Dik, the number one graduate from the Hercules Factory and Chôjin Crown participant, was _beautiful_. And the way they said it, they meant the _feminine_ kind of beautiful. Underneath his cake of makeup, Dik Dik felt a blush creeping—no, _running_—to his cheeks as he fought the strong urge to cry in utter misery. Things couldn't get any worse. 

Cassidy showed him a mirror, smiling. 

A complete stranger stared back at him, one who seemed to be on some sort of medication when applying makeup and tying ribbons. The ribbons were most definitely knotted, and it would have been impossible to take them off without cutting them, but they accounted for the least of his worries. Powder of all shades marred his perfect face, a blending of colours that definitely clashed and made him look like an abstract art project. On top of that, Cassidy seemed to have forgotten that lipstick was made for just lips, and could not replace eye shadow… or mascara… or war paint… 

Things just got worse. Much worse. _Much_ worse. 

"Uh…" he stammered, trying to find something to say that wouldn't hurt their feelings. " Not… bad?" 

They grinned, seating themselves with airs of pretend elegance. Whew. He had said the right thing, and now they wouldn't make things worse for him. He felt so proud of himself. 

Victoria giggled. "Now you are ready for tea." 

There was something in the way she said it that struck a chord of fear in him, and somehow, he knew things weren't going to just go downhill. In fact, he had a feeling the most embarrassing moment of the evening was still to come. But what could be worse than this? He braced himself.

_It's only for an hour. It's only for an hour. It's only for an hour… _

_…Right?_

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *


	3. Mind Thy Manners

**Author's Note**: Watch for the _Smallville _reference here_. _

**Dikdiks**** Don't Play Tea Party**

_By Fanficworm_

_Chapter 3: Mind Thy Manners_

"I—If you want proof, the security camera's got it all on tape," the shopkeeper gulped, pointing a bony finger to the camera hidden behind a carton of gum. "Not that y—you wouldn't already know that, Officer…" he adjusted his thick-framed glasses and craned his neck to read the policeman's badge, "…Riley." 

Officer Riley looked up from his notepad and eyed the four unconscious robbers being dragged away into custody by his fellow officers, and gave the shopkeeper a reassuring smile. "Ah, we won't be needing any more proof, I don't think, Mister Tudor," he said. "These four are wanted men. We would've arrested them even if they didn't do anything." 

"Well if that there's true, Steve," Terry muttered, kicking the knee of the man who insulted Trixie, "they sure don't make wanted men like they used to. Sometimes I reckon I train for nothin' 'xcept to look good for my wife and my fans these days," he sighed theatrically as he flexed his rippling muscles. "My days as a true Justice Chôjin are over." 

Officer Riley drew his attention to the four heroes. "Well, Kid Muscle, Terry 'the Grand' Kenyon and Wally Tusket are once _again_ the heroes of the day… or should I say, 'night'? And Dik Dik Van Dik's at home doing nothing, I presume. Why am I not surprised?" He smirked. " Would you all like medals this time, or shall I just call the media?" 

Wally clamped his hand over Kid Muscle's mouth before the latter got a chance to say anything stupid. "No need for any of that. We'll just get our beer and snacks and be on our way." 

"O—Oh!" Tudor ungraciously hopped over one of the robbers to get to Wally. "T—Take whatever you want; it's on the house, I insist! Y—You three saved my life! I—It's the least I can do." 

Kid Muscle bit the hand at the mention of free food. "Ooh!" he cried, ignoring Wally's yells of pain. "Even those instant beef teriyaki bowls?" 

The shopkeeper frowned at the strange question, obviously not familiar with the Muscle Prince's love of the "cow and rice" bowls. "S—Sure, I guess." 

Had Kid Muscle been a teenage girl, he would have squealed with pure joy, shattering all the glass in the small store. But since he wasn't, he did something that would've shattered all the glass in the store anyway. 

_Ha, ha!  
With my rice I like to have some cow, cow, cow!   
It tastes so very good, I don't know how, how, h—_

Bam! 

One of the instant beef teriyaki bowls Kid Muscle loved so much hit him smack dab in the face, and just a few feet away an annoyed Terry shrugged as he bagged what they came to the store for. "He was getting on my nerves, so sue me." 

He carefully handed Wally one of the bags, careful not to hurt Wally's bitten hand. "'Sides, it's about time we be headin' back." 

Wally picked up the bag and headed out the door. "Yeah, we'd better go. The kids must be driving Check and Dik Dik crazy." 

Kid Muscle merrily skipped out the door, his arms full of instant beef teriyaki bowls. "Thanks for the free food!" 

As the Chôjins left the store, Tudor surveyed the damage to his store, and Officer Riley noticed the outside seemed noisier than when he had entered. Surely there weren't so many officers outside for a small robbery, and surely cameras weren't needed for this. …And what were those bright lights outside? 

Oh. That wasn't police activity, that was the media. Fancy them knowing about the incident at this hour. They must've been extremely bored and had nothing to do 

Terry stormed back into the store, glaring daggers at the officer. "You behind this?" 

Officer Riley shrugged, smiling as he returned to writing his report. "Don't look at me. I was just joking about calling the media." 

"And they found out about this anyway. Aw, dangit," Terry groaned, looking up at the ceiling as if talking to a higher being. "First _those_ idiots, and now _these_ idiots. Why didn't I stay with the kids?"

* * *

_Why didn't I go out with the guys?_ Dik Dik raised his eyes to the ceiling, hoping a higher being would care enough to answer his question. Unfortunately, all he got was a few specks of dust in his eyes. 

Cassidy looked up. "Somethin' wrong with the ceiling, Unc?"

"There's a hole there," he rubbed his eyes, smearing his makeup. "It's pretty big." 

"Oh, 'tis from an accident in the attic a long time ago. Father changed into his Castle mode on the attic's old floorboards by mistake," Victoria grimaced as she tightened a toy elephant's ribbon. He couldn't see why; if it were alive it would have gone blue and choked to death. "He never got around to fixing it." 

He blinked the last speck of dust from his eye, feeling a twitch coming on. "Want me to tell him about it, Vicky?" 

"Vic_toria_." She huffed. "No thanks. I'll tell him once he isn't tired anymore." She looked at him, small turquoise iris-less eyes boring into his own black ones. "One rule for the tea party, though: no one may call me Vicky or Vic or anything else like that." 

She smiled. "Now, shall we have our tea?" 

"Let's." Cassidy poured some tea from the plastic teapot into the matching plastic cup and handed it to Dik Dik. 

"Thanks" he said, eyeing the teacup with some confusion. Why wasn't there any tea in there? 

The girls caught him staring oddly at the empty teacup and looked at each other as if he were dumber than Kid Muscle. Cassidy sighed. "It's _pretend_ tea. We ain't allowed to have real food at our tea parties on account of it spoils our appetites-like." 

Dik Dik took a pretend sip of the pretend tea, holding the teacup the same way he could his coffee mug. "I knew that." 

"Ah—ah!" Victoria forced the teacup down and raised her pinky. "Another rule: you must always stick out your little finger like this when sipping." 

She went on for about five more rules of proper tea party etiquette, highlighting their finer points and going into their histories. Some of it was interesting, actually. The rule of refraining from placing one's elbows on the table was a sign of trust. Back in the day, people put their elbows on the table to show that they weren't going to attack anyone, and then they started leaving their elbows down because they trusted their— 

"Jeez, _Victoria_. We don't need to know all that, we just wanted us a good ole-fashioned tea party, was all," Cassidy frowned, dabbing at her teacup. 

"Sorry." 

Dik Dik took a proper sip of his imaginary tea. "I had no idea Kiki knew so much about tea parties." 

Victoria blinked. "Nay, Father taught me—" She covered her mouth. "Oops. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone." 

So Checkmate was a master at girls' tea parties, eh? _That_ was something worth reporting to the rest of the Muscle League. Maybe agreeing to sacrifice his dignity wasn't a total loss, after all. If he was going to be embarrassed, he might as well drag someone down with him. And who better than the father of one of this torturers? 

Maybe if he was lucky, he could persuade Cassidy to give him some dirt on Terry, too… 

He leaned in closer. "What _else_ does your dad do, Victoria?" 

"Well, I don't—" 

"—I can pay you." To prove his point, he produced his wallet from his back pocket. 

Against all the rules of etiquette she had mentioned earlier, Victoria lay her elbow on the table and leaned on her small fist, thinking hard on the question. "Well, Father _has_ spent most of his time with Perceval, so he maybe won't notice…" 

Cassidy also leaned in closer, wanting to know what else Checkmate might have done in the past to appease his eldest. Dik Dik knew, as she knew, that Terry would pay a pretty penny for that information, and she wasn't willing to let a golden opportunity such as this slip past her. "You go on ahead, Vic_toria_," she smiled. "We're all ears." 

Victoria beamed, pleased that no one called her by a nickname this time. She removed her elbow from the table. "Well…"

* * *

"Texas Clover Hold!" a shrill voice yelled, reverberating throughout the chequered ring and the rest of the indoor training area. Luckily for them, the room was sound-proofed, so none of the shrill cries would have drifted into the bedrooms and disturbed more than just the girls. 

The boy looked down at his opponent, a hopeful look on his face. Tense body, tears, cries of pain… He just had to make sure. "Does it hurt?" 

"Yes! YES!" his masked victim yelled, fat tears streaming down from his brown eyes. "Make it stop! Make it STOOOOOP!" 

"Okay." The boy let go, pleased. "Good. Now's I can try out Daddy's Calf Branding move… or maybe the Spinning Toe Hold." 

"No! No more practice!" The older boy bolted towards the door in pure fear, whereas just a minute ago he could barely move. "Let me out! Let me out! DAAAAAD!" He failed to open the door and opted to hit it with his fists instead. "Jesse's hurting me! Jesse's HURTING ME!" 

Jesse laughed, wondering why 'Taro would scream for help in a sound-proofed room. "Stop bein' stupid, 'Taro. You're older 'an me. You're s'posed to know that hollerin' like that won't do you no good, and that my practice moves ain't s'posed to smart that bad." 

Taro pointed to the bruises he had gotten from the "practice moves". " 'Ain't s'posed to smart that bad', huh? I'm telling on you!" He continued pounding on the door. "Dad! Uncle Checkmate! Uncle Dik Dik! Mommy! Anybody! Please! Somebody saaaaaaaaaavvvveeee me!" 

Jesse's eyes widened. "Aw, don't tell Uncle Kid, 'Taro! Please?" He whimpered at the thought of another spanking. "My daddy's gonna get real, real mad at me." 

"HELP ME! UNCLE DIK DIK! UNCLE CHECKMATE!" 

He blocked the door, smiling. "How's about we do somethin', else, huh? Somethin' fun? Spy on the girls? Make fun of 'em?" The smile faltered. "'Taro?" 

"DAAA—" 'Taro stopped in an instant, the pure fear on his face replaced by a goofy grin. "The attic hole? Sure!" A camcorder appeared in his hands and he opened the door. 

Jesse blinked. "Where'd you get that?" 

"Well if you must know," he pointed to his boots, "I keep them in my boots. 

Jesse followed him out. "No wonder it smells like that." Hold on a second… "How'd you open it? Wasn't it locked?" 

'Taro shrugged. "I was just messing with you."

* * *

_ To be continued…_

* * *

  
**To my reviewers******

**Psycho Violinist of Silentwood:** Yes, they _are_ sadistic, aren't they? Probably got that from their fathers…

**Checkmate's No. 1 Fan:** Thanks for the great reviews. Oh, and Checkmate rules! 

**Mex Marco**: Bordering on the mentally disturbing, huh? Good. That was my intention. Now I hope this story has gone past mentally disturbing. 

**Kaidan**: Like Mex Marco and that cute Schneider mystery, I'll leave what that guy said about Trixie to speculation. Anyone's welcome to write a filler on that scene if they wish. 


	4. Under My Nose

**Dikdiks Don't Play Tea Party**

_By Fanficworm_

_Chapter 4 – Under My Nose_

"Well," Wally looked up at the sky, a pleasant sight especially since the stars were good and clear that night, "I guess it's a little too late to play poker."

"Nonsense," Terry snorted, hauling the bag of beer up the front yard. "The night is still … um... middle-aged. We can still play. I don't think the younguns are gonna mind stayin' over at Check's and amusin' themselves nicely for another hour or so."

Kid Muscle gathered up his beef teriyaki bowls. "Roxanne will mind. If she was here instead of at that stupid jury duty with Trixie, she'd have Junior in bed."

Terry produced the spare key from his pocket and opened the door, sneering. "You're whipped, Kid. Now Trixie, she leaves me alone. I never have to worry about _her_ beatin' me up."

"I am not 'whipped'. In fact, I can do whatever I want, except let the fans—" He gasped, dropping his beef teriyaki bowls. "Oh no! That fan! She kissed me on the lips! And it was caught on tape! ROXANNE'S GONNA KILL ME!"

Kid Muscle ran back and forth the front yard, flailing his arms around, trampling over the "cow and rice" bowls and annoying the neighbours (who were already in bad tempers from Perceval's crying). Terry rolled his eyes and entered the Edwardian home. "Not whipped, huh?"

Wally stuck out a foot, knowing what would occur soon. Kid Muscle, in his frenzied state, would run past Wally and trip over the outstretched foot. Then, he'd lie on the lawn, clutching his ankle in agony for a while (it never quite healed after that spar with Terry) and then calm down. It was a calculated fact… one that was also sometimes fun to watch. Three… two… one…

Crash!

"Owww! Owww! I hurt my foot!" Kid Muscle howled as he lay on the lawn, clutching his ankle in agony. "Make the pain stop!"

"With pleasure!" a neighbour yelled from her bedroom window, tossing an empty perfume bottle in his direction. "UGH! You Chôjins save the world, but you can't be good neighbours to save your lives!"

"I second that!" A barbell landed on Kid Muscle's head, courtesy of the angry neighbour on the other side of Checkmate's house.

Soon enough even the neighbours on the opposite street started throwing rocks and trash at Kid Muscle and yelling angry comments at him. Well, that autistic girl who lived opposite the house couldn't exactly yell, but the rest of the angry mob did. Wally couldn't really do much but watch and fear for his own life; the neighbours were out for blood.

Hearing all the ruckus, Terry popped his head out the door and dodged his way through the onslaught of rocks and assorted things. He took one look at Kid Muscle's bruised, broken and unconscious body, gasped and… picked up a beautiful diamond necklace that lay on Kid Muscle's nose, most likely thrown by that rich woman down the street. He whistled. "Trixie's gonna love me for this!"

"Terry!" Wally slung Kid Muscle's arm over his shoulders and glared at Terry.

The Texan snapped back into reality. "Whoops. My bad. Sorry, Kid." He helped Wally drag Kid Muscle back into the house… after picking up another necklace.

Kid Muscle looked up at the sky, a wistful expression on his face. "No problem, Terry, but why'd you guys wake me up from my dream?" He sighed. "I was in the most beautiful place, with all this fire and brimstone and some hefty guys with horns poking me with pitchforks."

Wally and Terry looked at him for a while, perturbed. Just a while. And then they quickened their pace.

And so the three entered the house, and seeing everyone seemed to be upstairs, decided to check up on them. Well, Wally and Terry wanted to check up on them. Kid Muscle just wanted to ask Checkmate if he could use a few bandages. 

From the hallway, laughter floated over from the room once filled with loud crying and pleading: Perceval's room. The funny thing was, it sounded like Checkmate's laughter, and Perceval was strangely silent…

Something smelled fishy, and for once, it wasn't Wally's breath.

Wally crept closer to the room. The laughter's volume slowly decreased until it became a soft, quiet laughter. And yet quiet laughter that sounded not quite sane.

He took a hesitant step into the room. "Check?"

Checkmate sat there in the darkness, huddled on the chair next to Perceval's crib, dishevelled, wide-eyed, twitching, and quivering with mirth. Considering how prickly he could be about his looks sometimes and the lack of food, bathroom breaks, sleep and silence he'd had for the past few days, it was no wonder he bordered on the unstable. "Hello, Wally," he twitched.

Kid Muscle sidled in to join them, massaging his bruised shoulder. "Hey Check, you mind if I use a few bandages and stuff? Your neighbours got a little…" he stopped at the sight of Checkmate, "…cranky…"

"Those boys have gone off to who knows where!" Terry stormed into the room. "Dik Dik was supposed to be watchin' 'em, and If _anything_ happened to Jesse, Trixie would kill me five times before I hit the—"

Terry and Kid Muscle stared at Checkmate a moment. Terry took a nice, slow step back, and Kid Muscle bolted to hide behind Wally, muttering something about men in white suits.

Checkmate rose from his seat, seeming to contain himself a little more. "Of _course_, young Muscle. _Use_ some of my bandages!" He twitched again. "Thou knowest where they are, dost thou not?"

Kid Muscle backed away slowly. "Uh… Yeah… I do, now that you mention it… ThanksalotCheckI'mgonnagonowbye!" And with that, he disappeared into the bathroom to dress his wounds and hide.

Wally blinked and turned back to Checkmate. "So… You put Perceval to sleep, huh?" He eyed the still figure in the wooden crib. It looked a little _too_ still. False alarm; he was looking at a pillow. The baby was fine.

"Yes! He sleeps soundly!" The walls of Checkmate's reserve gave way, and he cracked up laughing again. "It was so… very… simple." He yawned, rubbing his puffy eyes. "You would not believe how easily he falleth asleep and how hard it is to wake him!"

Wally folded his arms. No, he _couldn't_ believe how simple it all was. Checkmate spent four days trying to get Perceval to sleep; that baby must have been taking caffeine or something. "Try us."

Checkmate yawned again, ran a hand through his uncombed blue hair. "All right, if ye insist."

* * *

_  
"Ere Kiki left to visit her mother, she gave me a tonne of instructions on how to take care of the children… _except_ she left out how to send Perceval to sleep. 'Twas understandable, too. With Kiki, he seemed to be in a permanent coma. But with me…suffice to say he is a mama's boy." _

  
Checkmate slumped into the chair, careful not to hurt the bundle he held in his arms lest he made it cry even louder. The proud king was defeated, and by his own son too—an _infant_ son at that! What was wrong with him? Was he not one of the foremost wrestlers in the IWF? Did he not have the castle's defences? Did he not have the knight's speed? Most importantly, did he not have the intelligence and the cunning of the king, and not to mention the wisdom of age? With all this in his corner, he should have figured out a simple solution to this particular dilemma by now.

Unless…

Unless the peaceful yet monotonous life Checkmate nowadays led made him… soft. Nay! Inconceivable! He spent a few hours a day training, and played games of logic and strategy for _fun_. His mind could not have left him so early in life, and surely there had to be an idea somewhere in his vast mind that could solve his problem.

Doubtful. So far, it had been a losing battle. Perceval was most definitely his father's son. Sunshine used to tell stories of how hard it was to send an infant Checkmate to sleep, of how Checkmate would just cry for days on end. How Checkmate wished his son didn't inherit that trait.

_  
"For what seemed like an eternity, I churned out idea after idea to get him to nod off to sleep, but all ended in vain." _

_"You mean you kept looking at yourself in the mirror?" _

_"Nah, Wally, he just meant nothing would work. Now hush up; the man's tryin' to tell a story. Go on, Check." _

_"Thank you. As I was saying, I tried just about everything…" _

  
What else did he have up his sleeve? Surely, he didn't attempt _something_. Singing? Tried that on the second evening. Diaper changes? Tried that numerous times to no avail. Food, perhaps? Nay, Perceval kept rejecting his bottle of milk. Why Perceval and Victoria abhorred it and why Kiki was so opposed to it, Checkmate never figured out. What was so wrong about scalding hot milk that could give third degree burns?

Ah! Singing! He could try _singing_ Perceval to sleep! Wait… didn't he think that already? Yes. Yes, he did.

"'Tis hopeless," he moaned, letting his head hang low. It was all over. He had let an infant beat him, and he was prepared for the consequences. He could just imagine the looks on everyone else's faces should they hear of the news. They would mainly laugh their heads off, their faces contorting in all sorts of strange and simply _wonderful_ positions…

Wait a minute. Faces.. contorting…

Eureka.

_  
"I lay on the verge of giving up when I recalled that people sometimes pulled faces to appease their children and make them sleep. I supposed I had nothing to lose but my hearing, so I decided to try it."_

  
He rose from his seat and looked down at the bundle he held in his arms. Perceval stopped crying awhile, pouted, folded his plump arms and glared at him with defiant green eyes as though to say, "don't you dare".

Checkmate glared back. "Oh, but I will."

He leaned in closer, scrunching up his face and.… cooing? Since when did he coo? He most certainly didn't coo around Victoria, except for maybe that one time when she was a few weeks old and Kiki, Roxanne and Trixie accidentally overheard…

Whatever he did, the result was very pleasing. Perceval instantly perked up and attempted to applaud his father. However, his hands kept missing each other so he chose to giggle instead.

Checkmate smiled. He was on to something here.

_  
"The faces I pulled were—I must admit— mediocre, but they calmed him nonetheless. When I ran out of faces with the King, I simply placed him back in his crib and changed chess pieces. He seemed to like the Knight and Castle."_

  
The King, Knight and Castle had already had their turn; now it was time for the big gun. Checkmate pushed the two buttons on his shoulders. Following that came the brief period of headless discomfort, the re-emergence of his head and the change of its shape, and finally the splitting of his brick feet to create horse hoofs.

Perceval looked up at him from his crib, eyes widened and mouth rounded in a slight "o" shape. He titled his head and smiled. "Ooh…"

  
_"Once I changed into my Grand Slam mode, he looked at me awhile, and then fell straight asleep."_

  
While Perceval quietly snored, Checkmate frowned as he again slumped into the chair. He wasted four days at this crib trying almost everything imaginable, when this exceedingly simple solution was right under his nose. He could have used that time he wasted to clean up the house! Or train! Or sleep!

He paled. Victoria! Kiki would most certainly not approve of the way he handled things! Not only had he made their son cry for four days, but he'd also left their six-year-old daughter to fend for herself for four days, without food, clean clothing, and any form of company! Was he becoming Sunshine?

"…Yes," he slurred, and dozed off as well.

* * *

Terry raised an eyebrow. "That's all you had to do? Pull a few faces?"

Checkmate yawned. "Pretty much."

The object of Checkmate's forced insomnia lay in the crib sleeping innocently enough. Funny how such a cute little thing could cause all that fuss. Terry frowned at Checkmate again, this time fully taking in how awful the poor guy looked.

"How's about we get you away from this room, Check?" he said, laying a sympathetic-like hand on Checkmate's shoulder. "You'd probably wanna see how Vicky—"

"_Victoria_."

Terry rolled his eyes. Never did get the whole "no nicknames" thing. He removed the hand from the shoulder. "How _Victoria's_ doin'."

Checkmate smiled. "Splendid idea; I think she is in her room playing with young Cassidy." He yawned again and left Wally and Terry by themselves. They followed him out, of course, not wanting to get stuck with Perceval.

_Speaking of sons_… Terry rubbed his chin. "Where'd Jesse got off to, though? Trixie'd want him and Cassidy asleep by now."

" 'Not whipped, huh?' " Wally shot Terry a knowing look. 

Terry glared at him. "Oh, quit it."

They stopped in front of Vicky—_Victoria's_—room, where Kid Muscle stood outside peering in. Despite the incident just a few minutes ago, he feverishly jotted down notes with a notepad and pencil that seemingly came out of nowhere, chuckling.

What the heck did he think he was doing, spying on the girls like that? For shame! Terry leaned over to look at the notes. "What's that you got there, Kid?"

Instantly, the notepad and pencil disappeared behind Kid Muscle's back, their owner flashing a fake grin. "Nothing."

Terry frowned. "Bull. Lemme see." He took a swipe at the notepad, but missed. "C'mon. What is it?"

Kid Muscle poked out his tongue. "Maybe I don't _wanna_ show you."

"Fine with me; I'll just take it." Another swipe at the notepad. Dang! Missed again! "What is it?" Swipe, miss. "What were you writin'?" Swipe, miss. "It better not be somethin' bad about my daughter!"

"SHH!"

The two Chôjins stopped their little squabble to see Wally and Checkmate glowering at them. Seeing them to be silent, they looked into the room. Laughter threatened to burst out of them like ten pounds of manure threatened to burst out of a five-pound bag. Kid Muscle hid the notepad in his bandages, peeked inside again; his reaction to what cropped up inside the room the same as Checkmate's and Wally's.

Terry shook his head. At their age, they should have stopped their silly "let's spy on the girls" ways. They should've known, being mature men now, that snooping on other people (and their stuff) was an invasion of their privacy,. What was so interesting to them about little girly pretend games, anyway? There oughtn't to have been anything worth fussing ov—

HOLY COW! WAS THAT DIK DIK IN _DRAG_?

* * *

_To be continued…_

* * *

**Checkmate's No. 1 Fan** and **CidOtaku**: Sorry, but you're going to have to wait until the next chapter for what Victoria's going to say about Checkmate… and what Cassidy's going to say about Terry. I am open to suggestions. ^_~


	5. Forgive the Intrusion

**Dedication**: Thanks to Kaidan for giving me those "secrets" of Terry's. I was stumped on what to write for him. Eh, anyway, this chapter's for you. Hope you like it. ^_^ 

  
  


**Dikdiks Don't Play Tea Party**

_By Fanficworm_

_Chapter 5: Forgive the Intrusion_

  
  


If becoming a father meant your family knew all your embarrassing secrets and blathered them out to other people for the right price, it also meant Dik Dik was going to have to avoid the ladies for a few weeks… or months. Especially the single mothers.

He was glad Terry and Checkmate had families, though, because _oh_, did their kids spill a load of dirt on them! Who outside the family knew that Trixie called Terry "Terr Bear"? Or that Kiki and Victoria could beat Checkmate at chess, but would _let_ him win because otherwise he would suffer a slight mental breakdown? Or that Terry's tattoos would turn a bright shade of pink once he used a certain soap? Or that Checkmate liked watching _Barney_ and sang along with the songs? Not Dik Dik a few minutes ago, that was for sure!

He was one happy gazelle.

He scribbled the lowdown onto a set of napkins using an eyeliner pencil from Cassidy's makeup set, trying almost unsuccessfully to keep his nail polish (a lovely shade of pink) from chipping. He just _had_ to get all of this in writing. It was all just too good to go to waste.

Just a few more words… There! Done!

All he had to do for this information was go along with the girls' tea party and bribe them. Victoria was getting new ribbons and Cassidy would receive a new makeup set. Personally, Dik Dik thought he was getting the better end of the deal. Since the bribe included their silence about this matter, no one would find out about his dressing in drag, and he could live out his life as if it never happened. But he could imagine what Terry and Checkmate would do to prevent their family secrets from leaking out!

He put away the blackmail notes and raised his teacup, careful to extend his pinkie this time. "Girls, I'd like to propose a toast."

They shrugged and raised their teacups, though not as high as he raised his. Noticing this, Dik Dik lowered his teacup to match the height of theirs. "May no one find out about this."

The plastic toys clinked together. "Hear, hear."

Choked laughter wandered from the doorway to Dik Dik's sensitive ears, laughter that threatened to deafen once released. Dik Dik's eyes widened, and suddenly he wished he was deaf right now, because despite all odds, despite all that was right and good and just and holy in the world, that choked laughter also belonged to more than one person. Which meant…

"Wouldst thou like to borrow my crown, Dik Dik?"

"Roxanne probably won't mind if you take one of her dresses…"

"Dorothy's might fit you…"

"Or if those are too fancy-like for you, Trixie says her dresses are comfy…"

…they were back.

No. This couldn't be happening, not when things had just started to turn around. He'd got his own back for them leaving him alone to suffer the beauty treatments. It was going to be fun blackmailing them! Things _couldn't_ have gotten this bad again so fast! They couldn't have! This had to be some weird hallucination the cake of toxic makeup on his face caused!

Dik Dik looked up from his seat at the people in the doorway who watched him from about three feet away. Kid Muscle repeatedly pinched his arm, Terry clenched his fists, Wally covered his mouth, Checkmate bit his lip… All had different ways of suppressing their laughter, but all stared back at him just the same, with the same stupid grins on their faces, stupid grins that signalled they knew that this would never ever, EVER, _EVER _slip from memory, because they would tell everyone they could about their discovery.

Not even his worst enemy could ever deserve this sort of torment. If the girls weren't by his side, Dik Dik wouldn't know what to do. Thankfully, he had finally earned their loyalty and—

"Father!"

"Daddy!"

The girls sprang from their seats and ran to their fathers, immediately forgetting their now very pretty "uncle". Victoria hugged Checkmate as tightly as she could, and Cassidy allowed Terry to sweep her up into his arms, giggling a little as he did so. The two Chôjins' grins faded a little to regard their daughters, who had eyes only for their dads right now.

Dik Dik eyed the girls in contempt. _Traitors_.

"Victoria," Checkmate rasped, "didst thou do this to thy uncle?"

"Cassidy helped, Father," she beamed, releasing his abdomen to look up at the man who towered over her. "And I'm glad to see you are not so tired anymore."

"After seeing this, 'tis impossible to tire. An excellent job you both have done, too." He smiled indulgently at the sight of Dik Dik. "Victoria, I would caution thee for bothering thy uncle so, but he seems not to mind." He chuckled, but stopped when he spotted the mauled toys gathered around the table. "Just don't make up thy toys in future, though; they're hard to clean."

"Yes, Father."

Cassidy looked down at Dik Dik, blue eyes shining with obvious pride. "He's real pretty, isn't he, Daddy?"

"Sure is, angel pie. Don't tell your ma though; she'd probably get jealous." Father and daughter shared a chortle at Dik Dik's expense. "You know, he could enter a beauty contest. And I bet he'd win. Maybe next time you and Vicky—"

"Vic_toria_," Dik Dik, Checkmate and Victoria corrected.

The Kenyons rolled their eyes. Terry rephrased his sentence. "Maybe next time you and Vic_toria_ have a tea party, y'all could put him in one of them bikinis, too."

The thought of Dik Dik in a two-piece caused the repressed laughter to finally escape. Dik Dik calculated the hilarity could probably be heard all the way from China. And maybe New Zealand. Though he couldn't tell. He wasn't sure which part of his ears was burning away, but whichever part it was, he could feel _something_ going, and it didn't feel good.

Once the mirth had (almost) died down and knowing looks and quivering shoulders were all that remained of the former idiocy, an eerie silence filled the room as everyone stared at Dik Dik. They all beamed at him as they did so, the girls because they were proud their guest was so pretty, and the men because they knew, as he knew, that this made for some _excellent_ blackmail material. Either way, both parties had mentally etched the images into their minds forever.

There was still evil in this world, after all.

He looked at the plush toys, at how pathetic they all looked, wondering how pathetic he must've looked, too. If only the other Chôjins could also get dressed up like that. Then they'd _all_ be pathetic. Too bad they couldn't—wait a second… yes, they could. Victoria and Cassidy wanted more guests for their tea party, didn't they?

Maybe this night wouldn't turn out so bad, after all.

He looked up, trying very hard to flatten the widening evil grin crawling across his lips. "Girls, why don't you invite your dads and other uncles to the tea party?"

The stupid smiles instantly faded (especially Wally's and Kid Muscle's), and in their place came gasps and looks ranging from mild to severe panic. Dik Dik recognised the inspiration and slight sadism that appeared on the girls' faces, though, and smiled along with them.

"Great idea, Unc!" Cassidy grinned and turned over to Terry. "Daddy, you and Uncles Checkmate, Wally and Kid Muscle wanna join our tea party?"

"Uh…" Terry let Cassidy down and deliberated a little. He forced a smile. "…Sure. Why not, angel pie?" He removed a plush toy from its seat and eased himself onto the little stool, probably fearing he'd crush it.

Checkmate, however, kept Kid Muscle and Wally from sitting until the girls were seated. He nodded at Victoria and Cassidy, who graciously sat down the way someone much older could've done, and then saw fit to be seated. Checkmate had no problem with the stools (from what Victoria told Dik Dik, he often played tea party with her before Perceval's birth), but Dik Dik knew true revenge when he saw Kid Muscle struggling to sit down on the little stool muttering expletives only the gazelle could hear. It was his turn to laugh when he heard the chair creak ominously and saw Kid Muscle's legs sticking out like a frog's when he finally was seated.

Wally reached for one of the stools, but when Victoria's eyes widened at the horror of him sitting on—and most likely crushing—one of her precious stools, he was forced to leave it and sit on the floor instead, earning sniggers from the men already seated.

Kid Muscle eyed the empty cup in confusion and peeked inside the empty teapot, only serving to become more confused. He shook the teapot upside down, not finding a single drop of tea in there. "Want me to get some tea from downstairs?"

Idiot.

Everyone glowered at him. "It's _pretend_ tea."

"Real tea or food is not allowed for pretend tea parties," Checkmate said.

Terry nodded in agreement. "It spoils people's appetites-like."

Wally and Dik Dik smirked at Kid Muscle, as if the pretend tea rule was obvious. "_Everyone_ knows that."

"Mm-hmm!" the girls nodded in unison.

"Oh. Sorry." Kid Muscle stuck in his head and dabbed at his teacup, looking out of place for this sort of thing. Kid Muscle was the only one who had never played tea party before, which meant he was on the receiving end of what Dik Dik went through. It was pathetic. Dik Dik almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

Kid Muscle reached for a teacup to take a pretend sip, stopped by Cassidy who flashed the newcomers That Smile, that one that said…

"Y'all need makeovers first," she proclaimed, taking the makeup set in her hands again.

"Yes," Victoria beamed. "You must dress for tea, just like our other guests." She pointed to Dik Dik and the pitiable stuffed animals that lay on the floor now.

And soon enough, to Dik Dik's delight, everyone else fell victim to Cassidy's extra rule of dressing for tea. This time, however, Victoria unearthed the long-lost pink and lavender ribbons hiding in the far reaches of her dresser. She made it a point to use _all_ of them, first braiding her victims' hair and then securing the braids with the ribbons.

The rest of the tea party went along well. Everyone laughed at each other's makeovers and tried not to fall asleep at the etiquette lessons. And after a particularly long lecture on the fine art of table settings—courtesy of Checkmate—the tea party, in a weird way, actually started to become… well… fun.

The tea party's end was near, and there was no poker game in sight. Despite this, Checkmate smiled, bright pink lipstick all over his face glistening as he did so. "I suppose," he chuckled, "it goes without saying that we shan't tell our wives—or anyone else, for that matter—about this… incident."

"Yeah. Word would get out quick." Kid Muscle played with the pretty lavender ribbons swaying merrily before his eyes "You're off the hook, Dik. If we tell anyone about your makeover, you'd tell about our makeovers. And _you_ didn't get the pink ribbons. I mean, people would probably pay for photos of us like this. It wouldn't be pretty."

Terry brushed away a braid (tied with a huge pink ribbon) and took a proper sip of his imaginary tea. "Yeah, and it's a plumb lucky thing there ain't no photographers here." He sniggered. "Where'd they be spyin' on us, anyhoo? The attic hole? I don't think so."

"Got that right, Terr Be—I mean, Terry." Dik Dik raised his teacup again. "May no one find out about this."

And again the plastic cups clinked together. "Hear, hear!"

* * *

From above the little party, a certain other Mantaro happily filmed away at the little tea party. He stopped for a while and turned to his blond partner in crime, yen signs in his eyes. "People are really gonna pay to see them like this?"

Jesse huffed, gesturing wildly to the forgotten camera. "Yeah! A whole bunch! Now hush up and keep on tapin'!" 

'Taro shrugged and did as he was told, all the while wondering how much the IWF was going to pay for this footage. A hundred yen? A thousand yen?

Only time would tell. 


	6. Epilogue: Back to Normal?

**Dikdiks Don't Play Tea Party**

_By Fanficworm_

_Epilogue: Back to Normal…?_

Ah, there was nothing like being back home with the family. Finally, Trixie's jury duty was over and she could spend time back with the people she missed during that week she was away. And not a moment too soon, too. A lot had happened in her absence, a lot that she just couldn't understand. Terry would now pale at the sight of tea, Jesse was rolling in money for some reason, and Cassidy had a fancy new makeup set from Dik Dik.

It wasn't just Trixie's family affected by this epidemic, either. From what Roxanne and Kiki told her, 'Taro was also in the money, Kid Muscle looked as if he'd been hit by a hail of barbells, Checkmate and Perceval slept almost non-stop, and Victoria received a tonne of new ribbons (also from Dik Dik). Dik Dik himself and Kid Muscle seemed to be hiding blackmail. The only people she and the girls left behind who looked to still be relatively normal were Wally and Meat.

This was just too weird.

Trixie looked at Terry's sleeping pyjama-clad figure lying beside her on the king-sized bed. She smiled as she kissed his forehead and fingered the beautiful diamond choker Terry gave her when she arrived. "Thanks for the necklaces, though, Terr Bear. Dunno where or _how_ you got them, but thanks."

Terry groaned and shifted farther onto his side of the bed. She never could get him to wake up from a good sleep. Trixie chuckled, ruffled that soft blond hair she'd loved so much since she first laid eyes on him. Better let him lie, then.

She took the remote from her bed table. Maybe some mindless TV would help her get her mind off the weirdness level in the Kenyon household.

"And Doom and Gloom keep their lightweight tag team title!" Mac Metaphor's voice blared. Onscreen, two ominous-looking men dressed entirely in black stood victorious over their opponents, proudly holding up their championship belt for all the roaring audience to see. They exited the arena silently, as always, and left the commentators with their final remarks for the night.

"Another great fight, wouldn't you say, Doc?"

"Right you are, Mac! Though watching Doom and Gloom fight always gives me a slight case of the shivers."

Mac smiled at the camera. "Well, here's some exclusive footage from two anonymous sources that'll take your mind off them, and it involves some of our senior members, too." He motioned at the instant replay screen. "Let's take a look-see, shall we?"

Trixie could not believe her eyes. The camera cut to Victoria's room seen from above (the attic hole, maybe?), and the camcorder used to film the footage focused down on the people gathered around her tea table.

What _happened_ to them?

Terry, Kid Muscle, Wally, Dik Dik and Checkmate, along with Victoria and Cassidy had all gathered around the little tea table. All except Wally sat on little wooden stools and all except Victoria and Cassidy wore ridiculous amounts of makeup and knotted pink and lavender ribbons (though Dik Dik only wore blue ones, for reasons unknown to Trixie). She covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Was Dik Dik wearing Victoria's crown?

She grinned, finally getting the situation. Thank goodness Terry didn't watch Doom and Gloom's matches since they pulled that prank on him, because if he saw this, whoever filmed them would be in for a heap of pain. This footage was of a tea party where the guests had to dress up. _That_ explained Terry's sudden tea phobia. And Dik Dik must've sent those gifts to keep the girls from telling everyone about their little makeovers!

The camera focussed on Terry (sporting many braids tied with knotted pink ribbons) taking a sip of his imaginary tea. "Yeah, and it's a plumb lucky thing there ain't no photographers here." He sniggered. "Where'd they be spyin' on us, anyhoo? The attic hole? I don't think so."

Terry—the one beside her—stretched and rubbed his bleary eyes. He looked at Trixie, a little confused. "Why're you watchin' Doom and Gloom's match, Trix?"

Trixie plastered on a smile. Maybe if she stalled him long enough, he'd go back to sleep. He had too hard a day to be able to handle this. "Well, um, I couldn't sleep so I—"

Too late. Terry looked at the TV, shock and horror written all over his face when he realised it wasn't Doom and Gloom's match Trixie was watching.

"Hear, hear!" the TV resounded.

"People are really gonna pay to see them like this?" an all-too-familiar voice whispered off screen, probably belonging to the person holding the camcorder.

"Yeah! A whole bunch! Now hush up and keep on tapin'!"

That…that was Jesse's voice! And that other person who spoke before… that was 'Taro! The money, the disappearance at the tea party… _They_ were the "two anonymous sources"! Terry seemed to figure it out, too. And judging by the wide eyes, the shallow breathing and the way he shook his head slightly from side to side… Uh-oh. This didn't look good.

"So _that's_ where they were that night…"

Trixie turned off the TV and attempted to settle Terry down. "Now Terry, calm down. Breathe deep. Remember what your therapist said? Besides, it's late and he's only five and—"

He flashed a smile at Trixie, not seeming to hear her at all. "'Scuse me while I take care of somethin', Trix." Pyjamas and all, he stormed out of bed and out the door, a murderous look in his eyes. "JESSE JOSHUA KENYON, YOU HAVE A HEAP OF EXPLAININ' TO DO, BOY!"

She followed Terry out, prepared to defend their son but knowing her efforts wouldn't pay off. Whenever Terry called Jesse "Boy", everyone knew Jesse was in for it. No, not abuse or anything—Terry would **never** stoop that low—but he had his ways.. 

Trixie quickened her pace. "TERRY! GO EASY ON HIM!"

_Run, Jesse, run._


End file.
